These days are especially hard when personal loss couples with that awful time of the year called Finals (which plagues all College students such as yours, truly).
A little more than a month ago, one of my friends passed away by taking his own life. I’m still recuperating with the loss since it is fresh, although this doesn’t mean it hurts any less for people who are mourning loved ones who have passed away a while ago. I’m truly sorry if you are reading this and you have lost a friend, a relative, a sibling, a parent, a lover. I mourn with you. Remember that people who might have left the earth never truly leave us; we honor their legacies by remembering them, loving them.
It takes more than words to truly express what my friend Steven was like, but I will still try because I know it will help me heal. I will remember Steven as someone who was truly beautiful. He was caring, insightful, and brave and always will be in my memory. He was 17 when he passed away, the same age as my younger brother. One of the questions I’m still struggling with is why?
Why did it happen? Why him? He was so young! Did he leave a note? Why didn’t I pick up on signs something was wrong?
I don’t know if those questions will ever be answered, but I know that by remembering Steven, by exploring my pain, by getting the resources I need, by talking, writing about loss, I will reach the place I need to be wherever that is. I don’t know what that looks like, however I attached a link to a Huffpost article and a few tips to survive the approaching Holiday season (once I get past Finals, ha). I will try to take time for myself (despite this crazy week) to reflect, slow down, and cry, all of which I need to do. There’s something I won’t do, however. I will never “let go” because those who have touched your lives, those who you have loved fiercely will never, and should never be forgotten.
We keep people alive by remembering them. In John 11 in the New Testament, Jesus weeps for Lazarus and then raises him from the dead. When I close my eyes, I can see Steven laughing, blissful as I have never seen before.
He is as happy and as alive as ever.