Letting Chances Slip

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多少悬在半空中 Duoshaoxuanzaibankongzhong Suspense in midair (my translation of the title)  by Li Guijun

Do you ever feel trapped?

Are you afraid of what could happen, what happens next?

Like there’s a perfect moment where something can happen but you’re too afraid of what could go wrong?

There are honestly so many possibilities…Where do we go from here? 

If I have learned anything at all from relationships with friends, family and romantic relationships, it’s that fear gets in the way of things that might have otherwise been truly magnificent. Or truly ugly.

Fear is good, sometimes. It teaches us to be cautious, and we should be cautious when we only have one life to live (unless you believe in rebirth or an afterlife) and one of our actions can cause another, so on and so forth, a chain reaction to occur.

So just to clarify, caution is good but so is risk. The good kind. Despite the consequences. I’m afraid to fail, I’m afraid to get hurt, I’m so afraid that I will regret my decisions. This is in a similar vein to my post on listening, however instead of saying what I need to say, doing what I need to do.

Big breath. Cue the drumroll. Here’s a confession, y’all. There is someone I’m interested in, and there was a perfect moment that I missed, that I should have seized. It’s a she, by the way. Yes, I’m bisexual, ask me about it later. Onto the rest of the story. There’s a fine balance between friends and lovers and well I’ll admit that I might be interested in love. I tried to shrug off my feelings the first time we had a conversation but they only grew stronger as this friend and I got to know each other better. Before I do anything that involves feelings, though, there are some things I have to know. (I don’t know whether anything will come out of this post (haha pun), depending on the answers to questions I have (Dare I say I’m a hopeless romantic?) but here’s a simple outline of steps I and you, dear reader, can take.

As a queer lady who has fallen for straight ladies too many times, I have had my share of misfortune so here’s a quick (but by no means easy) guide!

Step 1: Find out if she’s also into ladies or not. So there’s this challenge. The other ones come later, but I’ll list them anyway in case I have any luck (don’t count on it just yet).

Step 2: Find out if she’s into you, because unrequited love hurts.

Step 3: It’s all on you, baby. Aka make a move.

I hate how I just outlined my prerogatives in steps, as if this is some wacky step-by-step guide to dating girls, but those are the important things one should know before getting into a relationship. Step 1 doesn’t have to be so black and white if the person happens to return my feelings but perhaps I am the first girl she’s interested in. I don’t mind being the first girl she potentially likes, since she might be questioning and I respect that. She might prefer not to put a label on her sexuality at all. I’m cool with anything as long as there is mutual respect.

Oh, and  this is just my personal opinion. This blog is kind of like my virtual journal. Obviously I don’t intend to speak for all bisexuals out there.  Y’all are awesome by the way. Haters gonna hate.

Well, cliffhanger. I’ll update once anything happens, however, moral of the story: Sometimes fear is good but the consequences of taking risks aren’t always bad. Now get out there and do what you need to do. I kind of need to sleep, so that’s what I’ll do now. Goodnight.

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About Classyasfemme

"Those of us with the power to speak must speak" -Staceyann Chin College student doing some reflecting and soul-searching. Will occasionally write about the immigrant diaspora, sexuality, religion, social justice, loss, and offer advice. Most of the time it will be scrambling for answers to questions I don't know the answers to. I write as a way to express what otherwise might be forgotten in passing. I write to heal, I write to forgive, and I write for equality. Thanks for reading about bits and bobs of my little life. Keep on smiling. Profile picture is a series of body art photos done by Chinese artist Huang Yan by the way. Feel free to look him up if you're curious. View all posts by Classyasfemme

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