Home (and out) for the Holidays

So… I was reading a few articles giving advice about how to come out during the Holidays, although personally I’m not sure the Holidays are the right time to come out to family, particularly if there is extended family over. But then that brings another question: When is there a right time to come out of the closet?

I watched a video on a HuffPost article page giving advice about coming out for the holidays:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/26/coming-out-gay-holidays_n_4345755.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

In response: I agree that the lucky queers in a queer relationship should make it clear to each other that due to religious reasons or for not having understanding family, they are going separate ways for the Holidays. To go separate ways and to be vague about it would not respect the relationship!

– I use the word ‘queer’ to reference anyone that identifies as LBGT, to reclaim the word… empowerment, people!

Personally, if I was going to come out during the Holidays  (which is my right to dictate when and to whom if I actually do) I would prefer the one-by-one approach if it was to my parents. I think my mother is already starting to suspect that I also like girls, as she has posed some pretty blatant questions a while ago, though my answers are starting to show a bit of my bisexual side. For instance, today she brought up the subject of dating and mentioned boys. I replied that in my lifetime I wouldn’t get a boyfriend (which is not true, by the way, but just for hinting purposes I decided to say that so ma will start to suspect I also like girls). I do happen to kind of fancy a girl right now, if you must know. Moving on.

Here’s an article which addresses what to expect after coming out, and not just for the holidays:

http://www.takepart.com/article/2013/11/25/how-come-out-closet

My response: I think having support such as a mentor/friends to call or a reassuring line to repeat to disbelieving/unsupportive friends or family to close oneself off emotionally is crucial. Pretty much all of my close friends already know I’m bi already, though I definitely took the one-by-one pulling aside technique (as if this is some guide ha) to tell them, and some friends later than others. I have a feeling that the coming-out will never stop, since you definitely meet new people almost every day. That’s if, one is open about one’s sexuality. I’ve learned the hard way to not assume things about somebody else’s sexual orientation by their appearance. I also try not to assume, since I am a queer lady who dresses feminine most of the time; most queer chicks don’t tend to look my way. A sort of “femme invisibility”, if you will, only I do not identify as “femme” (more on that in the future).

Here’s a touching coming-out story with the perfect title (and yes, I just had to as a fellow kiwi) :’]

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff-nation/assignments/how-did-you-come-out/9416502/My-coming-out-gay-holiday

My response, last one, I promise! So I guess this just goes to show you that coming out is a holiday. Just kidding. Coming out is never easy, perhaps because of societal constraints. If you have come out and been accepted easily, then I both applaud and envy you (how did you do it??). Labels are good when you know  and accept that they are a part of who you are. Claim them as a part of you, but be prepared to deal with the unexpected and difficult. Like many big secrets, sometimes you can’t gauge how the beneficiary of your trust will react, which at times can be for the better or for worse.

Anyway, if you’re reading this, good luck if you’re planning to come out to friends, family teachers, mentors etc. for the Holidays or sometime in the future. Thank you to those of you who have come out and continue being an inspiration by sharing your coming-out stories (feel free to post them in the comments below or message me if you’re comfortable).Regardless, know that you’ll always have support from not just little old me but the LGBT communities in your towns, cities, countries and the web.

Happy Holidays and Best Wishes for the new year. Cheers.

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About Classyasfemme

"Those of us with the power to speak must speak" -Staceyann Chin College student doing some reflecting and soul-searching. Will occasionally write about the immigrant diaspora, sexuality, religion, social justice, loss, and offer advice. Most of the time it will be scrambling for answers to questions I don't know the answers to. I write as a way to express what otherwise might be forgotten in passing. I write to heal, I write to forgive, and I write for equality. Thanks for reading about bits and bobs of my little life. Keep on smiling. Profile picture is a series of body art photos done by Chinese artist Huang Yan by the way. Feel free to look him up if you're curious. View all posts by Classyasfemme

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