Tag Archives: queer

On being Queer and Filipino in the LGBTQ community

On being Queer and Filipino in the LGBTQ community

Originally from the Huffington Post, written by JR Tungol. It sheds some light on what it means to be queer and asian, specifically filipino and what it means in a largely white queer community. 


Home (and out) for the Holidays

So… I was reading a few articles giving advice about how to come out during the Holidays, although personally I’m not sure the Holidays are the right time to come out to family, particularly if there is extended family over. But then that brings another question: When is there a right time to come out of the closet?

I watched a video on a HuffPost article page giving advice about coming out for the holidays:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/26/coming-out-gay-holidays_n_4345755.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

In response: I agree that the lucky queers in a queer relationship should make it clear to each other that due to religious reasons or for not having understanding family, they are going separate ways for the Holidays. To go separate ways and to be vague about it would not respect the relationship!

– I use the word ‘queer’ to reference anyone that identifies as LBGT, to reclaim the word… empowerment, people!

Personally, if I was going to come out during the Holidays  (which is my right to dictate when and to whom if I actually do) I would prefer the one-by-one approach if it was to my parents. I think my mother is already starting to suspect that I also like girls, as she has posed some pretty blatant questions a while ago, though my answers are starting to show a bit of my bisexual side. For instance, today she brought up the subject of dating and mentioned boys. I replied that in my lifetime I wouldn’t get a boyfriend (which is not true, by the way, but just for hinting purposes I decided to say that so ma will start to suspect I also like girls). I do happen to kind of fancy a girl right now, if you must know. Moving on.

Here’s an article which addresses what to expect after coming out, and not just for the holidays:

http://www.takepart.com/article/2013/11/25/how-come-out-closet

My response: I think having support such as a mentor/friends to call or a reassuring line to repeat to disbelieving/unsupportive friends or family to close oneself off emotionally is crucial. Pretty much all of my close friends already know I’m bi already, though I definitely took the one-by-one pulling aside technique (as if this is some guide ha) to tell them, and some friends later than others. I have a feeling that the coming-out will never stop, since you definitely meet new people almost every day. That’s if, one is open about one’s sexuality. I’ve learned the hard way to not assume things about somebody else’s sexual orientation by their appearance. I also try not to assume, since I am a queer lady who dresses feminine most of the time; most queer chicks don’t tend to look my way. A sort of “femme invisibility”, if you will, only I do not identify as “femme” (more on that in the future).

Here’s a touching coming-out story with the perfect title (and yes, I just had to as a fellow kiwi) :’]

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff-nation/assignments/how-did-you-come-out/9416502/My-coming-out-gay-holiday

My response, last one, I promise! So I guess this just goes to show you that coming out is a holiday. Just kidding. Coming out is never easy, perhaps because of societal constraints. If you have come out and been accepted easily, then I both applaud and envy you (how did you do it??). Labels are good when you know  and accept that they are a part of who you are. Claim them as a part of you, but be prepared to deal with the unexpected and difficult. Like many big secrets, sometimes you can’t gauge how the beneficiary of your trust will react, which at times can be for the better or for worse.

Anyway, if you’re reading this, good luck if you’re planning to come out to friends, family teachers, mentors etc. for the Holidays or sometime in the future. Thank you to those of you who have come out and continue being an inspiration by sharing your coming-out stories (feel free to post them in the comments below or message me if you’re comfortable).Regardless, know that you’ll always have support from not just little old me but the LGBT communities in your towns, cities, countries and the web.

Happy Holidays and Best Wishes for the new year. Cheers.


Letting Chances Slip

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多少悬在半空中 Duoshaoxuanzaibankongzhong Suspense in midair (my translation of the title)  by Li Guijun

Do you ever feel trapped?

Are you afraid of what could happen, what happens next?

Like there’s a perfect moment where something can happen but you’re too afraid of what could go wrong?

There are honestly so many possibilities…Where do we go from here? 

If I have learned anything at all from relationships with friends, family and romantic relationships, it’s that fear gets in the way of things that might have otherwise been truly magnificent. Or truly ugly.

Fear is good, sometimes. It teaches us to be cautious, and we should be cautious when we only have one life to live (unless you believe in rebirth or an afterlife) and one of our actions can cause another, so on and so forth, a chain reaction to occur.

So just to clarify, caution is good but so is risk. The good kind. Despite the consequences. I’m afraid to fail, I’m afraid to get hurt, I’m so afraid that I will regret my decisions. This is in a similar vein to my post on listening, however instead of saying what I need to say, doing what I need to do.

Big breath. Cue the drumroll. Here’s a confession, y’all. There is someone I’m interested in, and there was a perfect moment that I missed, that I should have seized. It’s a she, by the way. Yes, I’m bisexual, ask me about it later. Onto the rest of the story. There’s a fine balance between friends and lovers and well I’ll admit that I might be interested in love. I tried to shrug off my feelings the first time we had a conversation but they only grew stronger as this friend and I got to know each other better. Before I do anything that involves feelings, though, there are some things I have to know. (I don’t know whether anything will come out of this post (haha pun), depending on the answers to questions I have (Dare I say I’m a hopeless romantic?) but here’s a simple outline of steps I and you, dear reader, can take.

As a queer lady who has fallen for straight ladies too many times, I have had my share of misfortune so here’s a quick (but by no means easy) guide!

Step 1: Find out if she’s also into ladies or not. So there’s this challenge. The other ones come later, but I’ll list them anyway in case I have any luck (don’t count on it just yet).

Step 2: Find out if she’s into you, because unrequited love hurts.

Step 3: It’s all on you, baby. Aka make a move.

I hate how I just outlined my prerogatives in steps, as if this is some wacky step-by-step guide to dating girls, but those are the important things one should know before getting into a relationship. Step 1 doesn’t have to be so black and white if the person happens to return my feelings but perhaps I am the first girl she’s interested in. I don’t mind being the first girl she potentially likes, since she might be questioning and I respect that. She might prefer not to put a label on her sexuality at all. I’m cool with anything as long as there is mutual respect.

Oh, and  this is just my personal opinion. This blog is kind of like my virtual journal. Obviously I don’t intend to speak for all bisexuals out there.  Y’all are awesome by the way. Haters gonna hate.

Well, cliffhanger. I’ll update once anything happens, however, moral of the story: Sometimes fear is good but the consequences of taking risks aren’t always bad. Now get out there and do what you need to do. I kind of need to sleep, so that’s what I’ll do now. Goodnight.


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